I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
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