he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Found the puke drawer
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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