He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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