Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
