apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
