hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
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