You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Randomize
