I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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