If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I don't want my vagina anymore.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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