hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
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