I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
COCAINE IS GR8
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
