just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
