for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
