Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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