'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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