Pregnant stripper...not hot.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
