i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
