I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
He? As in you personified your dick?
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
