birth control should be required to get into college
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
