I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
We are all done wearing pants today
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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