Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
