He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
