Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
