I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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