Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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