And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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