Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Randomize
