idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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