Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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