why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
