There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
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