Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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