So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
