Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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