First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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