Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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