This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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