i just had sex bonerless
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
