I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
