When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
