I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
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