I wish my penis had an off switch
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Randomize
