$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Randomize
