it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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