Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
