I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Randomize
