oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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