you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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