I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
