We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
My ATM looks so different sober.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
