I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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