What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
