VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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