Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
